The Practice of Giving: Five Lessons That Changed the Way I Handle Money

I’m starting to have even more appreciation for the quiet delight and beauty that comes from giving. Not just tossing a few dollars toward something because it’s trending, or tipping big here and there (although I think that’s part of it and super fun too!), but by building a personal practice of generosity that reflects who I am, what I value, and how I want to show up in the world. Over the past decade, I’ve been learning (and many times relearning!) what it means to donate with intention. It is a journey that’s evolving all the time, but here are five lessons that have really helped me shape the way I give…and how I receive, too.

1. Money Has to Be Told Where to Go

I used to have the best intentions when it came to donating! Really, I did! But without a plan, those intentions never turned into consistent, inspired action. I finally realized that donations have to be a line item in my budget and the first thing I prioritize. If I don’t literally write them in, that money just…well…disappears into other things. Once I made giving a monthly rhythm, it became one of the most exciting parts of my budget. I really look forward to making my donations now. It feels energizing and like I’m participating in something bigger than myself. The structure that I have created has actually become my freedom.

2. Money Makes Me More of Who I Already Am

This lesson hit me really hard when I first heard it! Money doesn’t change who I am, it amplifies who I already am. I’ve learned this in theory and in practice. For example, if I’m a generous, kind, and intentional person right now, more money will only expand those qualities. If I’m more avoidant, stingy, unhappy in my relationships, or a careless person, I will have and become exponentially more of those things. That’s one reason why I suspect so many people fear money or view it as “evil”, because they’ve seen it amplify the parts of people that were already out of alignment and are scared it will do the same to them. I get it!

Another thing on this. I’ve noticed some people love to critique billionaires for not giving enough (and honestly, how do we really know what they give?). While I have that experience sometimes, I’m most curious about my own household. Am I practicing generosity right now, at whatever level I’m at? If I’m earning, say, $100K and not in the habit of giving, what makes me think hitting millionaire or billionaire status will suddenly unlock my generosity? I’m quite certain wealth-building is slow and layered, not a windfall where I’ll magically become someone new when that windfall occurs. I believe that giving now is what builds the capacity for even more open hearted living and giving later.

3. The Depth of Our Giving Reflects the Depth of Our Receiving

Holy stromboli. My friend Pam Savory said this to me and I made her repeat it twice, it landed so deeply! I’ve had it pinned on my cork board ever since: The depth of our giving is a reflection of the depth of our receiving.

For me giving requires planning, clarity, and commitment. I find receiving, on the other hand, is about allowing, and living in gratitude and contentedness. While so different, I’ve found the two are deeply intertwined. Recently, I realized that I was valuing 10% of my paycheck in my savings account more than I was valuing that same amount being donated to an organization doing important work in the world. I was still donating the money, but my subconscious revealed I was questioning whose hands it was better in. Oof. That realization made me pause.

To catalyze a clearing for the pattern, I ended up writing out 20 ways that money could be used by someone else, to reframe my thinking and reorient myself to the impact of that giving. It was a gentle gut check and a reminder that how I feel when I give directly influences how much I’m able to receive.

4. I Am a Steward, Not an Owner

One of the most transformative shifts I’ve experienced is realizing that I’m not the owner of my money…I’m actually just the steward of it. And ultimately, it’s meant to be used in service to something greater than myself: God, Higher Power, Universal Love…whatever name speaks to you. When I began to view money this way, it lifted the pressure of control and replaced it with a sense of responsibility, humility, and trust, all of which I still work at! It’s not about hoarding or fearing lack, it’s about asking, “How can I direct this in a way that aligns with the greater good?”. I am an only a conduit and I want to be a really good one.

5. Tithing Has Become My Most Sacred Form of Giving

Tithing, the practice of giving the first 10% of what I receive to where I am spiritually fed, has become the most meaningful and sacred way I give. For me, this could be a church, an organization, an inspiring teacher, or even a stranger whose words cracked open something in me at the exact right moment. It’s the ultimate energy exchange!

I first heard about tithing about 12 years ago, but it took years to actually start. Once I did, it changed everything. I started becoming a much more forgiving and compassionate person and my life opened up to more flow.

At one point along the journey, I decided to hit pause on tithing to go hard at a personal financial goal for 12 months, and while that decision seemed to make sense at the time, it also revealed just how deeply tied this practice is to my sense of alignment and purpose. Hitting pause left me feeling so constricted and untethered, and I honestly think it negatively impacted my mindset that year. For all the financial planning in the world, my priorities are spiritual first and tithing keeps them that way. Amen, A-ho, And so it is!

I share all this because the psychology of money absolutely fascinates me, and even more so because these lessons have made a deeply positive impact on my life. If any part of this resonates or sparks something for you, I hope you carry it forward in whatever way feels right. Generosity, like so many things, starts small and sometimes just hearing how someone else is approaching it can open a new door. I know it’s done it for me!